2021.11.27 21:09 polkadotaardvark Protection from good memories (splitting pt. II)
I recently wrote about my splitting part, Veronica, who I felt was getting bored. Well, I was right. Since I wrote about that I have discovered another splitting part and also witnessed Veronica's immense power within the system.
In that post there were some parts at odds with each other: Veronica's twin part (which I've discovered is named Angelica) who she's protected forever, and a young part, a little girl, who is terrified of Veronica. Last week I could feel Angelica's desire for attention so I went in and checked on her and after validating her she flooded me with a bunch of really terrible memories. She was showing them to the little girl too, to show how much Veronica had protected her from. The little girl understood and they embraced and I felt like things were at peace.
The next day I began splitting. I was shocked and upset by this so checked on the situation and discovered the whole thing had been orchestrated by Veronica to get the little girl to trust her (and thus back off) so she could do her thing. I feel both awed and sickened by this.
Anyone who's split knows that part of it is not being able to access good memories and feelings about a person. If you come out of it you usually can find them again, but sometimes you just lose access to them altogether. I imagine it works more or less like any memory repression where the function is to protect you, except in a splitting brain the good memories are what cause pain (or at least cognitive dissonance) and make it too hard to leave a situation that a part of you (like Veronica) has declared dangerous. Lack of access to these memories and feelings causes an overwhelming sense of unsafety because you suddenly only have the bad memories and feelings. It feels like they are the only thing that has ever been true and you are just finally seeing it. It is so so horrible.
So when I was checking in on parts last night, I was dismayed but not surprised to discover a memory incinerating part. A huge gorilla made of fire who burns positive memories I have of people and scares the other parts into not creating them in the first place because they will ultimately be forced to watch their destruction. I don't know how many parts blended with me at that point, but there were a lot of them and they were extremely upset. It really feels like the two splitting parts have had a prolonged and completely unchecked reign of terror.
I don't believe these memories are gone. I think the Incinerator is putting on a dramatic show and is obviously a protector. I've spent a lot of time being worried about finding out what bad memories are hiding in there, but I think I am actually more scared to find out what the good ones are because I fear they will completely rewrite my life narrative in a way that could turn me upside down. I'll do it slowly with a therapist, but wanted to write about it as I explore this deep and primitive protective mechanism. I've always struggled so much with splitting and object constancy and it would make such a huge difference if I could work through and past them with IFS.
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2021.11.27 21:09 jwoz12345 About 20 hours of work, starting to look like something
2021.11.27 21:09 CPRwatch Saturday evening fun
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2021.11.27 21:09 dextroflipper How long of a trip is 3oz of delsym?
Also what's the best flavor grape or orange? My tolerance should be low i barley Dex these days. I've done 5oz before but that much liquid made me kinda nauseous.
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2021.11.27 21:09 KneeHighMischief Shelton Benjamin's ability to make these things look effortless will always be impressive to me
2021.11.27 21:09 Mmaxum So i decided to read some "GG World" lore
Please tell me Ram is not simping to Leo please. I refuse to believe in it. Why is that she has unique taunt with leo and thinks he's cool? Please no i refuse.
Sin come to strive ASAP
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2021.11.27 21:09 SpringtimeMoonlight FANGIRLS' TAROT: KING OF PENTACLES -- “I’m not a businessman, I’m a business, man!” - Jay-Z
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2021.11.27 21:09 pmabraham Gravitas: Revealed: How Pfizer blackmails countries for shots
2021.11.27 21:09 Zepplitty Currently 21 weeks pregnant with #3. I look 8 months pregnant already. Sorry for the weird pose I had to stand on my tip toes lol
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2021.11.27 21:09 Whalef Shiny Zamazenta Code
I have a shiny zamazenta code that I can't use because I already redeemed one but I'm hoping to trade the code for a shiny zacian if anyone has an extra and needs the code!
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2021.11.27 21:09 ZenoArrow Climate change: What's it like living in a place where it's 50C?
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2021.11.27 21:09 Eastern-Ad-3387 Thank you
I’d like to thank the folks that helped push my daughter’s broken down car into the Troost Mart parking lot at 41st and Troost earlier this evening. As a dad, I’m deeply appreciative. Thank you for helping my little girl.
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2021.11.27 21:09 Solnx [USA-TX][H] Nvidia 3090 FE, EVGA 3090 FTW3 B-Stock, EVGA 3080 XC3 LHR, EVGA 3070 XC3 LHR, PS5 Disk edition, Nintendo Switch White Oled, Cash[W] 30 Series FHR Cards, Cheap LGA1151 CPU, Local Cash
Trading for 30 Series FHR cards, not interested in any variety of 3070 TI or 3080 TI including FE, heavy preference towards local trades but will consider non-local.
Looking for the cheapest LGA1151 CPU I can find. Preferably with integrated gpu, because GPUs be hard to come by. Looking for <$100.
Zip code for pickup is 77380. For the sake of time, please just PM me what you have, what you are looking for, and how much cash you want or will include.
|Nvidia 3090 Founder Edition||Brand New in Box||3080 FE + MSRP difference|
|EVGA 3090 FTW3 B-Stock||24G-P5-3987-RX, Brand New in Box||3080 FHR + Cash|
|EVGA 3080 XC3 Ultra||10G-P5-3885-KL, Brand New in Box||3070/3060 TI FE + Cash or 3080 FHR, I add cash.|
|3070 XC3||08G-P5-3755-KH, Brand New in Box||Anything FHR + cash or I add cash depending.|
|PS5 Disk Edition||Brand New in Box||Anything FHR, I add cash.|
|Nintendo Switch Oled White||Brand New in Box||Anything FHR, I add cash or $400 cash local.|
2021.11.27 21:09 omegajakezed Die einzige Werbung, die ich nicht geskippt habe!
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2021.11.27 21:09 MarloweSL Good evening.
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2021.11.27 21:09 CdrShprd FT 5IV adamant Growlithe with close combat in premier ball LF offers
2021.11.27 21:09 pier_pebble317 It was a domination
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2021.11.27 21:09 RepostSleuth8ott Can you help me to understand my brain?
So for some reason whenever I get compliments or think good things about myself I ignore them, I just push away and think “no go away I don’t want to think that” or something. Usually I’m a happy guy but my brain hates me getting compliments? I’m not sure what this is and I was wondering if any of you guys know or have the same problem?
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2021.11.27 21:09 ShanshuPork That Time Dr Rolf Messed with Kramer's Sperm
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2021.11.27 21:09 underwaterdungeon People who live with their parents, do you like living with them? Why or why not?
2021.11.27 21:09 MoodyPriesthood I swear librarians are just too good!
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2021.11.27 21:09 Savinsnsn What's the difference between story and history?
2021.11.27 21:09 6IVMagikarp LF: HA Bagon (Female Preferred) FT: 5IV Gible w/ Iron Head + Masterball
2021.11.27 21:09 TheBlockyNon-furry Just got HHP today, and this is what I did for Eloise’s house. Thoughts?
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2021.11.27 21:09 PuddinPiee 30f whatcha think?
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